‘Be sensitive to the seasons.’
That phrase rang out clear in my mind a few weeks ago. I was reading this devotional and during one of the final chapters that phrase somehow became stuck in my mind. I don’t remember if it was written there or if it was just God speaking it to me.
It hasn’t left since.
We are in a very new season right now. Our daily life hasn’t really changed – where we go, who we see, why we are here. But what we do is so different. We finally feel like all of who we are is engaged and we fit.
I thought that phrase was meant for that – our jobs. I need that sensitivity as we develop and pioneer. New things can bring about new problems or yet-to-to-be-discovered potholes in relationships and life.
After living with it for a few weeks, though, I’m quite sure that it actually is much more fitting for me as a mom.
This season as a mom is unlike anyone I’ve been in before. Yes, I have only been a mom for three years so I know many, many more seasons are yet to unfold. Up to this point in my journey in motherhood, I have been content and happy and fulfilled and at peace with simply being ‘just mom.’ And I use the word ‘just’ not in a diminutive fashion, to belittle the role of motherhood, but instead to define exclusivity. I was okay only being mom. I didn’t desire a title or role or job outside of the realm of motherhood to give me what I lacked. Honestly, I think I am still there. Mom is what I’ve wanted to be for as long as I can remember. Mom is so much a part of who I am and what I do.
Yet this new season is calling to me. This week, I spent four mornings on campus meeting with people and working and connecting. One afternoon teaching on how we live a life of financial faith. A dinner listening to a student share her story. Hunter loves his small Preschool where he attends three mornings a week (and so do we!) and Madison follows along with me wherever I go (destroying things and eating dirt at will).
There is more. It’s not better, or of higher value. It’s just more. There is a sense to pursue people and ask questions and make myself available to listen and share. There is tension inside of me between what was (‘just mom’) and the birth of what is coming. Hunter & I had such a rhythm and routine to our lives when he was younger. Daily patterns rarely changed and we both loved it. I’m coming to terms that it’s okay to not just replicate what worked with us, now that more children are added to the family. Madison is a completely different human being in every single sense of the word. I have to be sensitive to her, sensitive to us, sensitive to Scott and Hunter, sensitive to me.
Maybe through that sensitivity I will be able to fully embrace this season. I’m fighting it a bit because it looks so much like all the other moms that I didn’t want to be – harried, busy, overloaded, pulled every which way – and I don’t want our core family to suffer. Yet I can’t compare the life God is telling me to live to the lives of those around me. It will only breed jealously and contempt and pride.
But if He is speaking, I will listen. I must. Obedience, not balance. Fear of Him, not of others. What is His direction for my life in this season? Do I trust that my obedience to Him will bless my family, not curse it? If I whole heartedly obey Him now, do I believe that He can handle the ripple effects as they course through me, my husband, and my kids?
Seasons. Things are changing.