Sugar and I don’t get along well.
I love sugar.
Sugar does not love me.
I use sugar to heal, cope, medicate, comfort.
I can justify it and say it’s not that bad. But I know it is.
I think God’s taken it to a whole new level, though, to drive home the point of how much sugar really is affecting me.
The past few times I have deliberately eaten something sweet, I haven’t been able to sleep that night. Last night I had some strawberry jam & cream cheese dip before I went to bed. I wasn’t hungry at all. Just bored, maybe missing my husband (he was at a concert), maybe feeling a bit sorry for myself, maybe rewarding myself for being such an awesome mom & wife. After half a night full of intensely scary dreams, I woke up in a panic and couldn’t fall back asleep.
I know I need to stop eating sugar. I have before for a few weeks because I knew it was an idol in my life. The freedom in my spirit and wholeness in my being was so noticeable. I run to it instead of God. I use sugar to numb my emotions and quell the tide of questions. It’s not out of control and running my life, but part of me is bowing down before the altar of the tiny sweet crystal. And any part of me is too much.
Lord, forgive me. I repent. I confess that sugar is on the throne of my heart. I worship how it makes me feel and what it tastes like. I want to choose You instead of sweets. Help me in my unbelief. In my disobedience. In my lack of trust. Thank You for allowing sugar to affect my sleep (which, in turn, affects every part of my life) so I can realize how serious this idol is.
I want to worship only You.